Waiting, Waitlists & More: A Conversation With A Mother + Daughter Who Have Been There
Ah, February. The time of year when seniors are finishing their audition process and strapping in for the hardest part of all: The Waiting. The Waiting is often accompanied by a common but frustrating result in the BFA audition process: The Waitlist. You’re in a post-audition daze, elated that your auditions are over but anxious to get your decisions, and (whether you’re a student or a parent) it’s an intense time for everyone, no matter what you’re feeling.
Meanwhile, juniors are starting their process from the very beginning! If you’re a junior parent, you may be up late at night scrolling through forums and parent Facebook group comments, wondering how in the world you are going to navigate this emotional rollercoaster of a process with your kid next year? And why is it so competitive? And is it all even worth it?!
With both of these February experiences in mind, I sat down for a conversation with a mother and daughter who have Been There and Done That - MCA Alumni Bella Rarick and her amazing mom, Paola Rarick. Here’s what they had to say about The Waiting, The Waitlists, and more…
D - Daughter (Bella) M - Mom (Paola)
At the end of February of your Senior Year, where did the process stand for you?
D: By the end of February, I had gotten a couple of yeses I was somewhat excited about, but they weren’t at the top of my list at all. I was considering each of them, but it wasn’t what I knew in my heart I was truly looking for. I was starting to break a sweat, because I had been placed on multiple waitlists, with more still rolling in, and I really wanted to get off all of those waitlists.
How many waitlists were you on, all told?
D: I was on 5 or 6. And I ended up getting off of all of them! I got off the waitlist at MSM, where I’m now a freshman, two days before May 1st - Decision Day! Crazy.
Can you describe the moment you got placed on the waitlist for MSM?
D: I was placed on the waitlist during my February Break, so it was mid/late February. I called the school, spoke with the Dean of Musical Theatre, told her how interested I was and asked if I could come take a tour and maybe observe some classes. She immediately got back to me with a list of classes I could shadow, and I ended up taking her up on all of them!
What helped with mentally managing the waitlists?
D: Waitlists were hard because you feel like you’re not their first choice. For me, it’s hard not to think “well who was the first choice instead of me?”, but it helped when you kept saying “it’s not a no, it means they can absolutely see you in their program”. But sometimes there’s nothing that can help and you’re just gonna feel sad about it. And that’s okay.
M: But you have to remember that they are trying to put together a diverse class with a certain number of sopranos and a certain number of this and that. It’s not that you aren’t their choice, it’s that they need to balance their class.
As a parent, what calmed my nerves was step by step approaches to everything in this process. This is what Bella did once she had all of her waitlist decisions. Note, in between all of these steps, she waited a couple of weeks to make sure she wasn’t hounding them!:
Pick your top 2 waitlist schools.
Contact them to let them know how interested you are!
Follow up and ask if you can take a tour, see a class, maybe even chat with the department head. This shows a sincere interest on your part.
After you get home, write a thank you letter to every teacher whose class you sat in on.
Call the admissions counselor and ask if there’s been any movement on the waitlist, or if they’re able to tell you where on that list you fall (some schools rank their waitlists).
Call them one more time a few days before May 1st (Decision Day) if you still haven’t heard, to politely inquire about the status of the waitlist.
What was it like the moment you got off your top waitlist?
D: The morning I found out that I was accepted to MSM, I was so nervous. I was driving to my voice lesson and was at a red light and saw I had gotten a notification from MSM and was like “Oh My God!”. So I pulled over and parked in a McDonald’s parking lot. I wanted to record my reaction, but my computer was dead, so I ran into the McDonald’s and plugged in my computer, and there was a letter saying I got into MSM. I was crying and shaking right there in the McDonald's as I called my parents, then I saw my voice teacher and she was screaming! When I got home, I immediately committed.
M: Right when she got home, we had cued up the song “Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z, and we were blasting it and yelling and jumping up and down!
What was the hardest part of the process for each of you?
D: I think the hardest part was accepting that maybe I wouldn’t get into my dream school. I knew everything would work out, but I was so scared that I wouldn’t get into the type of program that really resonated with me, and all of the schools I was waitlisted for really resonated with me. That’s not to say that if I hadn’t gotten off the waitlists for those schools I wouldn't be as happy, because I’ve come to realize that you will get a great education at any program. At the end of the day, it’s about what you make of it, whatever program that is. But, at the time, I was really feeling like a failure and doubting my talents, if I’m honest.
M: As a parent, the hardest part for me was the fear - fear that the cliche “Trust the Process” wasn’t really real, and the fear that this would break my child; break her spirit, or break her confidence to a level that was irreparable. The fear of the unknown was so, so overwhelming. For me, I tried very hard to keep a balance. I didn't want to put this all on one person (which would have been you, Gigi!), but every time I called you, you calmed me down and you helped me and you said each time “she’s going to be okay no matter what.” And I think that’s actually a better saying than “Trust the Process” or “it all works out”...
This process can be tough on a parent-child relationship. I get a lot of calls from parents around this time of year asking “How can I best support my kid at this point without being overbearing or putting added pressure on her?” Any advice for other parents on this, Paola?
M: I think you have to encourage your kid to trust their intuition, and to trust themselves. And you have to trust them!
For instance, when we were at Unifieds, many schools offered walk-in auditions. Bella knew that she didn’t want to do them, but I pushed her to sign up because in my mind I was worried that we didn’t have any acceptances she was super excited about and I was being led by fear, like I said earlier. But Bella had a strong gut feeling that this was not right for her, and she ended up canceling the walk in I pressured her to sign up for.
Looking back, I regret questioning her judgment in that moment. I think you really have to let your child lead the way. Even if it’s wrong. Because if you don’t, to a certain extent you are telling them that they are not capable, they are not trustworthy, that they do not have what it takes to know what is best for themselves. And then you’re going to turn around come August and say “you’re on your own”! Now is the time to be more curious than pushy, and just ask - “how does this feel to you?” and ask more questions rather than pushing them in a certain direction.
It’s no secret that this process comes with a lot of work and, at the same time, a serious lack of control over many factors (despite how hard you’re working on what you can control!). That duality is really challenging for most people. How can students and parents take care of themselves?
D: I know that sometimes the parents do the spreadsheets…to be honest, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Like, my mom helped me tremendously and would help me do those spreadsheets, but she wasn’t doing the process for me. She would offer to email schools or make calls or do other “grunt work”, but I refused every single time. It’s hard to refuse that help, because you want to let your mother take care of you, but I felt like this was my college journey and how am I supposed to write emails and make inquiries on my own when I’m away from her if I don’t learn it right now? When she would offer to call or email I would say “no, but you can help me by reading my draft or making me some tea.” It shows schools that you know what you’re doing on your own, but it’s also a good way to set a boundary with your parents that benefits both of you. Like, if you’re both emailing at the same time you’re both going to get overly stressed and burnt out, and that’s not good for anyone. As you’re becoming a young adult, you have to learn to do this type of work yourself. I honestly think that keeping that boundary and doing the heavy lifting myself helped our mother-daughter relationship through the process.
Any general advice for parents getting ready to pursue this process next year, Paola?
M: My advice for parents is to remember that it’s not your journey. It’s her journey. You’ve got to get your head on straight and realize “I cannot hijack this journey. This is not my life, this is her life.” At times, parents struggle because it feels like it’s happening to you. But whatever happens, whether it’s a really rough lesson or she realizes this business has nothing for her, you have to trust that she will learn and grow from it in some way, shape, or form. And that way, you can’t lose.
As a parent, it’s very hard because you identify so deeply with them - it feels like there is a portion of you walking around in the world! But they are an individual and they have their own life. So, separating that and realizing that you’re a witness to this, but it’s not your journey. And, if you start to intervene, you’re getting in the way of that journey. So, if you can just step back and be curious, ask questions about how they’re doing, ask how they’re feeling, reserving your own doubt.
How do you reserve doubt and stay sane in the face of so much uncertainty and rejection in this process?
M: You’ve got to live your life. Take good care of yourself first. Go on walks, meet up for coffee with friends, get outside, spend time away from your child and away from thinking about college. Go sit in a sauna, go sit at the beach, read a book, whatever feeds you. You have to do things that fill your cup, because if you’re running on empty you will get that rejection letter and react to it the worst way possible. But if you’re full and you're healthy, when stuff comes at your kid that hurts you - and it will hurt you - you can truly support them in the moment.
D: I was so grateful for her reactions throughout this process! Sometimes, we would open a rejection or waitlist letter and just start laughing together. And I know it probably hurt her so bad, but she never put that on me in those moments.
M: Oh, there were moments when you got a waitlist decision and I had to become the actress!! I wanted to scream “what the heck?!? Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous!!!”. But I saved it until I was with my husband. And oh, my husband - he went crazy over some of those prescreen decisions! This is a very, very hard process for a parent to watch.
Final words of wisdom?
D: Trust yourself. If you don’t trust yourself, it’s not going to work out. It’s just not - that’s the hard truth. You have to have some level of trust in yourself. Every school is competitive at this point. You have to trust that you can still get into these schools. Once you send in your prescreens, step back - stop watching it, you’re done. After an audition, even if it goes bad - especially if it goes bad - forget about it and get yourself a treat. You worked hard, you did it, and you got another experience under your belt! Trust yourself, and it will happen for you.
Bella is currently loving life as a freshman Musical Theatre major at the Manhattan School of Music! If you’re curious to learn more about how Bella’s process went, check out her YouTube channel to follow along with every step along the way! And, if you’re ready to get started on your own College Audition journey, schedule a consultation with a My College Audition consultant today.
Bella Rarick (she/her) MCA Student 2022
Paola Rarick (she/her) MCA Mom 2022
