Mental Health for Performers Q&A
After gymnastics G.O.A.T., Simone Biles, won her Olympic bronze medal for balance beam, she told Today’s Hoda Kotb, “It means more than all of the golds because I've pushed through so much the last five years and the last week while I've even been here.”
I’m no Olympian, but I can relate to the feelings expressed by Simone during the Tokyo Olympics. Her image was plastered all over promotional materials. She looked superhuman with unflappable self-esteem. Even when she made errors in the qualifying rounds, her scores were still well above most everyone else. But then she showed us… she’s human. It was the bravest thing she could have done.
Maybe you have nerves of steel at an audition and bomb callbacks, or have a great run of previews and then lose your confidence when critics arrive. Whatever your breaking point is, you’re not alone. In fact, there is an entire field dedicated to the research of peak performance and mental training. I sat down with my friend and colleague, Stephanie Simpson, who holds an MA in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Spirituality, Mind, Body, from Columbia University, to gain some insights into the mental art of performing.
Q: What happened to Simone? Is it the same thing that happens to me when I get show jitters or is it just because she’s performing at such a high level?
A: First, I want to be clear that I am not a doctor or licensed counselor and I did not work with Simone so everything I am going to say comes from observing what I read and heard. There are many factors that could have contributed to Simone deciding to sit out of some of her events at the Olympics. In general, performing at such a high level and being in such a big spotlight can trigger past traumas, bring up limiting beliefs, and cause fear and anxiety to come to the surface. It seemed that Simone put herself first and prioritized not only her mental health, but also her physical health. In her sport (as in many sports), her mind-body connection needs to be aligned and focused or there could be very serious consequences.
There are similarities between what may have happened to her and getting show jitters. When someone gets show jitters it could be because their own limiting beliefs are being triggered, they may be focusing on previous “failures,” and getting stuck in their head. Not all show jitters are bad, however. The sensation of jitters is just a sensation; it’s the meaning you attach to that sensation that can either get in your way or propel you forward. That’s where the importance of mental training and having tools you can practice comes into play. These tools help you to align your mind and body so that you can perform at your optimum level.
Q: Why do I lose my nerve during a callback after a great initial audition?
A: There are several reasons why this may happen, and the reasons may not stay the same each time it happens. Sometimes people are able to feel really confident in an initial audition because they have more control over the material they are doing and how much they prepare. The limiting beliefs surface when we don’t feel like we have control over the situation. In a callback, there are many unknowns and usually not as much time to prepare so a person’s confidence may be lower. When our confidence is lower, there is more room for the gremlin (as I like to call it) in our head to surface. This gremlin can take on different forms and even though it thinks it’s protecting you the way it does that is by telling you to play small. When you play small, you aren’t stepping fully “into your light” and allowing yourself to be seen, which usually ends up with a result you didn’t want.
Q: What are some techniques I can use to calm myself down? Do I have to do them right before performing or every day?
A: There are so many techniques you can use. It’s important to find ones that work for YOU. When I am working with a client, I emphasize that just because something works for me doesn’t mean it will work for them. And what works for them today, may not work for them tomorrow. Having a toolbox filled with many tools provides more support. I also emphasize that the tools need to support you holistically - mind, body, and spirit. In a Confidence Coaching session, we are digging under the surface to release limiting beliefs, assumptions, interpretations, and gremlins. When you have more clarity, consciousness, and awareness of those, you have more power in the moment to choose a different thought, action, or feeling. In a session, I also offer and teach my clients different techniques they can practice. I always start with Breath Techniques. Intentionally connecting to your breath is a way to regulate your nervous system, to take you out of the stress cycle, and to bring you back to the present moment. From there, you can then CHOOSE a new thought or action to take. There are also many different Thought Management techniques one can practice. In addition, understanding your body and the messages it is sharing with you is crucial. A lot of my work with clients is getting them to acknowledge the sensations they are feeling in their body and listen to what the sensation is saying. Then, they can align themselves more effectively. The more aligned you are, the more ease, flow, engagement, and satisfaction you create in your life.
Creating and maintaining alignment is an everyday practice. Similar to working on your craft everyday, whether that is taking dance classes or practicing scales, you want to practice these mental training techniques on a daily basis. It may not be the same ones everyday, though creating a routine where you are making space for breathwork, reflection, and checking in with your body allows for you to create new pathways in your brain and integrate the benefits of the techniques. Then, when you are in a position where you are triggered and your stress cycle initiates you have the confidence that instead of reacting like you did in the past (fight, flight or freeze) you can engage these techniques and respond in a way that serves you.
Q: What’s a healthy way for me to define success?
A: I don’t think there is one healthy way to define Success. I think the healthy thing to do is to get clear on what Success means to YOU. Many people hold onto other people’s definitions of Success and spend their lives trying to achieve things that if they stopped and got honest with themselves don’t actually align with who they are. Working with a Coach can help you get clarity on what your Values are and align your goals with those values. When we live from a place of consciousness and alignment, we create more ease and satisfaction.
Q: I’ve never understood how we are supposed to be resilient enough to handle so much rejection and vulnerable enough to bare our souls while performing. Can these states coexist?
A: Ah! I can see how these seem like opposite and conflicting things. They actually work together to create strength and authenticity. Vulnerability is a crucial part of embodying your authentic self. I like to say, “Vulnerable is to SHARE your true self; Powerful is to BE your true self.” When you do the work to understand yourself more deeply, which takes courage and vulnerability, you are building the resilience to navigate all that life throws at you. Resiliency is your ability to bring yourself back to balance when you get knocked off your center. Being resilient doesn’t mean not feeling the pain or frustration of rejection in this case. It means acknowledging, recognizing, and allowing yourself to feel those emotions in order to process them in a healthy way. Choosing to feel all your emotions takes strength and vulnerability. There are many tools you can learn to navigate the rejection process which help you to feel your emotions without getting attached to them and/or the situation.
Q: Do I need a Confidence Coach or can I do this work on my own? What’s the difference between a Confidence Coach and my therapist?
A: This is a great question! The way I describe the difference between Confidence Coaching and Therapy is this: Coaching is about Growth. A Coach supports you by getting you from where you are right now, your point A, to where you want to be, your point B. Therapy is about Healing. A Therapist is there to help you heal trauma from the past and present. Though Coaching can have therapeutic aspects to it and we may look at the past during sessions, the intention behind why we are looking at the past is different than it is in Therapy. I think everyone can benefit from a Coach to help them succeed in their goals. A Coach is there to be a thought partner, an observer who opens doors to new perspectives, and an accountability partner. Sure, some of the stuff you may already know and could do on your own, though the question is ARE you doing it currently? People usually come to Coaching because they have an awareness that something needs to change and they may actually know what action they could take to make that change and yet they aren’t and feel stuck.
To learn more about Confidence Coaching for the performer and Stephanie Simpson’s transformative work, head here. If you’re interested in having a one on one coaching with Stephanie, feel free to grab a session here.
