A Parent Guide to College Auditions: How to Support Your Performer by Supporting Yourself
We’re officially into Fall—or as some know it, “pre-screen/early audition” season for college-bound performers. And for parents, it’s “which version of my rising star am I getting today?” season. While others are cozying up with a PSL or heading out for apple picking, your performer is cramming in extra coaching sessions, navigating the nerves of seeing themselves on camera, anxiously awaiting pre-screen results, and prepping for in-person auditions. The college audition process is overwhelming—not just for the student, but for parents (and the whole family) too. So, let’s dive into how you, as parents, can be the best supporting characters for your rising star.
As counterintuitive as it may sound, your first priority should be yourself. Just like the safety demo on a plane reminds us—you need to put on your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else. The same applies here. You can’t effectively support your performer if you’re not taking care of yourself, especially when it comes to managing your own emotions. It’s completely normal to feel scared, nervous, overwhelmed, or even lost with all the unknowns — I’d actually be concerned if you didn’t feel some of these at times! — though projecting your fears and anxieties onto your performer won’t help. Learning to regulate your emotions and stay grounded is essential to showing up and supporting them in the best way possible.
When those inevitable moments of stress and overwhelm come your way, here are some tools and practices you can use to self-regulate so that you can support your performer effectively:
Breathing
When you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, your body goes into a stress cycle because it thinks it’s in danger. In this state, your brain’s only focus is getting back to “safety.” The quickest way to shift out of the stress cycle is by connecting to your breath, reminding yourself that you’re OK. Breathing helps activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which relaxes your body and conserves energy. Square Breathing is one of my favorite breath practices:
Inhale through your nose on a 4 count
Pause at the top of your breath for a 4 count
Exhale out your nose on a 4 count
Pause at the bottom of your breath for a 4 count
Repeat this for at least 3 rounds
You can even close your eyes and visualize your breath making a square
Grounding
Grounding practices help keep you anchored in the present moment. Our minds tend to worry by projecting into the future or dwelling on the past, which creates a false sense of control and leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Easy to do when waiting on prescreen results from your performer's dream school! The truth is, the only thing you can control is the present. Grounding helps you get out of your head and reconnect with your body. When you’re feeling stuck in your thoughts, try tapping into your 5 senses with this simple exercise:
Notice 5 things you can see around you
Touch 4 different objects
Identify 3 distinct sounds
Take in 2 different smells
Notice 1 thing you can taste
Movement
Emotions are energy in motion. When you don’t allow yourself to fully feel and process your emotions, they get stuck in the body, creating tension. Over time, this tension can lead to chronic pain, injuries, illness, and other physical and mental effects. This process brings out a lot of big emotions - various deadlines, prescreen rejections, travel headaches, etc. Releasing that stored stress is essential for your body to rest and restore. Here are some movement practices to help you release tension:
Taking a walk or going for a run
Stretching or practicing yoga
Progressive relaxation
Doing a body shake-down
Singing, dancing, making art, or writing
Affirmations
The thoughts and stories you tell yourself shape your reality. What you think is what you see. If your thoughts focus on what’s not possible or what could go wrong—creating a closed mindset—you’ll naturally find things that confirm those beliefs. That’s why it’s important to observe your thoughts and shift them toward what is possible, fostering an open mindset. One effective way to manage your thoughts is through affirmations. Here are some tips for creating your own:
Use the present tense
Ensure the statements hold personal meaning
Frame them in positive, affirmative language
Examples: I am capable of navigating uncertainty. I have survived 100% of my hardest days. I am stronger than I think. Every outcome supports my performer’s happiness.
Now that you've equipped yourself with tools to manage and regulate your own emotions, you can better hold space for your performer when things get overwhelming. Creating an environment where your performer feels heard, seen, validated, and supported is key. Here are some best practices to hold space for your performer and provide the support they need to succeed:
Acknowledge + Validate
Acknowledging and validating creates trust, connection, and a sense of safety. We all want to feel heard and seen. By practicing acknowledgment and validation, you mirror back what you’re hearing and seeing without judgment, analysis, or offering advice. You simply acknowledge the person’s situation and validate that their feelings are real and valid.
Here are some examples:
"It is understandable that..."
"It makes sense to feel..."
"You are not alone in..."
"It sounds like..."
"I notice that..."
Empowering Questions
Empowering questions encourage a person to go inward, reflect, and uncover new insights. These questions foster growth and development by creating greater awareness and are always asked from a place of genuine curiosity and non-judgment.
Attributes of Empowering Questions:
Open-ended
Concise
Begin with what or how
Occasionally when, where, or who
Avoid why questions, as they can feel judgmental and may trigger a defensive response
Examples: What are you proud of yourself for? What do you love about performing? What does support look like for you right now - a space to vent, a space to process, a space to problem solve? How can I support you?
Engaged Listening
Being an empathetic and engaged listener requires intentionality. To listen effectively, focus on understanding, rather than simply preparing your response. Pay close attention to the words being spoken so you can reflect them back, showing you truly hear the other person. Additionally, notice non-verbal cues like tone, cadence, body language, rhythm, and silences, as these offer deeper insights into what the person is really feeling and saying. From there, you can practice acknowledging, validating, and asking thoughtful questions to foster a deeper connection. It may feel like you need to have all the answers or need to fix how your performer is feeling, though many times just being a present and engaged listener is all someone needs.
Celebrating + Appreciation
Celebrating wins along the journey to a long-term goal is essential. It can be tough for someone to recognize their own progress, so having someone cheer them on can sustain their motivation and build confidence. When setbacks happen, sharing what you appreciate about the person—their strength, courage, and commitment—helps them bounce back and develop greater resilience.
As you navigate the ups and downs of the college audition season alongside your rising star, remember that the most powerful support you can offer begins with caring for yourself. By managing your own emotions and creating a space where your performer feels seen, heard, and valued, you’re setting the stage for their success. By using these tools and practices, together you'll navigate this journey with greater resilience, connection, and growth!
